In an off time when surprise boy and I were trying to be "just friends" but really pushed that line over the edge if you were to ask any onlookers, a test of my whole existence came into play.
He told me that he hated knowing that there was another guy I cared about (speaking of Dream Boy)... This was nearly two years into our relationship and I had completely let go of my emotional attachment and even that gimmer of desire to be with Dream Boy.
I hugged Surprise Boy explaining how he was the only one I ever wanted to be with and how I had let go of my history with Dream Boy.
The conversation took an unexpected turn.
"I went to a wedding reception last weekend... I saw Dream Boy there."
I was very surprised, but confused as to where this was leading.
"I pulled out a picture of you and showed it to him. I told him you were my girlfriend and asked if he knew you, because I was pretty sure you knew him."
My heart was racing... what would Dream Boy say? He'd spent so much time keeping what I thought we had a secret, but if he denied even knowing me that wouldn't make sense either cause we had tons of classes and school projects together. Not to mention all the other odd social situations.
"No, I don't know her."
Surprise Boy didn't lay that one on lightly.
Obviously, even if all the experiences I thought I had with those beautiful head conversations was total bunk. He knew me! He would always nod hi in the halls between classes, make funny and cute comments when with me, and we shared some friends.
Instead of thinking of how silly this was, and how he probably was trying to cover up his connection to me, I wondered if it was true.
Since this happened I still wonder sometimes...
Did Dream Boy not know who I was? If he didn't then over two years of experiences I cherished and learned so much from was all in my head... Had I just imagined that huge chunk of my life?
The only part about it that gives me peace is that each experience gave me more wisdom in how to handle struggles of life. So even if years of my life was only half real (which I may not know which parts were real or not till I get to heaven), I still grew as a person from it. Those nearly unbelievable experiences make me who I am today. The sad part is I have this huge chunk of who I am that has to be completely hidden... What's behind the real beautiful me has to remain hidden forever.
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